I dunno about y'all, but I'm flatly refusing to watch the new Girl vid until:
1) We're all in the same room.
2) There's a coffee table that Face has turned into the floor of his personal saw mill.
3) White Jeezy has just returned from a run, deposits an anatomically-correct Shroud of Turin in sweat on the couch, and wryly comments, "the new Girl video? Again? Awwwwww yeah, again and again."
4) Matt and Jeff are home but "kinda bummed on each other," and suspecting it's probably just the shrooms, but like, who knows, really?
5) At LEAST one disinterested significant other is present and forced to watch the film in its entirety, endure our commentary, and partake in the numerous bonus features available on the DVD.
Daytime TV talk show performance, check. Quasi-psychedelic video screen imagery, check. Frat party style dudes in the crowd dressed up as Santa Claus, check. It's all there.
Have any of the people in this audience ever even heard Corrosion Of Conformity before? It doesn't matter, they just love live music.
Woody Weatherman still has the best vibrato in the business and notice how they trick out the song arrangement as compared to the album version, nice touch.
And in case you weren't sure what decade this footage is from they "destroy" the drum kit at the end of the song, letting you know for certain that yes, it was the '90's.
"On July 4, 1826, the fiftieth anniversary of the adoption of the
Declaration of Independence, [John] Adams died at his home in Quincy. Told that
it was the Fourth, he answered clearly, "It is a great day. It is a good
day." His last words have been reported as "Thomas Jefferson survives"
(Jefferson himself, however, had died hours before he did)."
Second, I recently spent a good two hours performing tape surgery on my copy of 93 'til Infinity and it was time well spent. Tape is hype. And this video is killin' it with the out of doors, nature vibe. I realize rap is an urban genre, but this video makes you think. Loungin' on a rock and shit. On a related note, fuck this shit. Funds, holla at a bro when you need to unload your rap tapes.
Finally, this review, which is hilarious. For what its worth, I disagree that "the word 'culture' is vulgarly misunderstood." According to Raymond Williams, it is one of the most complex words in the english language. In my reading, its use here may actually illuminate and critique the word's unique etymology and seemingly contradictory forms of common usage.
The Big Apple will rest easy knowing that the threat of forced tip-frostings can be put to bed once and for all.
On the real, though, this kinda broke my heart. First, as an appreciator of this dude's expansive canon of works I don't like to see any of them derided, even by the dude himself. But more importantly, this sort of humility and level-headed thinking is dignified and mature. Please tell me how the fuck that bullshit fits with my favorite hyper-masculine, arch-conservative straight edge stereotype?
It doesn't. Let's fuck with some Zapruder shit:
Choke Is Being Fed Questions
At 0:49, 4:00, and 4:34 Choke is responding directly to a question. We'll talk about just who is asking these questions in a second. But for the time being, let's focus on this telling fact: no one who gives a willing, voluntary apology needs to be reminded of what they should be apologizing about. And that's precisely what's happening here.
There Are At Least Three People Out Of The Frame (TL;DR Enabled)
Throughout the film, the frame "sways" in a fashion that is inconsistent with a mounted or stationary camera. Further, Choke's left and right hands both appear in the frame at 4:22, meaning he could not be holding the camera himself (unlikely as it may be, the "sway" in the frame could possibly result from the camera being held on Choke's legs or between his feet). What I'm getting at is this: An individual is likely filming Choke, whom we'll call The Filmer.
The Filmer is also most likely sitting directly across from Mr. Kelly. This is evidenced by the shuffling visible in the window reflection directly above Choke's head. A great example of this is at 2:23, in which we see "The Shuffler"shuffle back and forth, as if putting weight on one foot and then the other. This is important because The Shuffler and The Filmer cannot be the same person. Throughout the film, as the Shuffler rocks back and forth, the frame does not move accordingly. In fact, it seems relatively still. As discussed above, the camera is likely being held by The Filmer, because the subtle movement in frame indicates that the camera is not on a table or tripod. Just the same, The Filmer cannot be the person seen in the reflection of the window, otherwise the frame would move left and right wildly, in accordance with the shuffling of The Shuffler.
In addition to The Filmer and The Shuffler, there is a third person in the room. As shown most obviously at 0:49 and at 4:32, Choke is talking to The Questioner who is standing above him and to his left (our right, from the perspective of the camera). First, The Questioner and the Filmer are most likely different people. Assuming that Choke is addressing The Questioner's face when he turns to his left, The Questioner is at too great a height and too far away to easily film Choke from the camera's "straight on" perspective.
But The Questioner is not The Shuffler either. Two critical pieces of evidence support this contention. First, again assuming that Choke truly is addressing a person above him and to his left, this person could not possibly be the person seen swaying in the window reflection. Notice the hinge visible on the bottom left (from our perspective) of the window. A window with hinges on the left can only open "clockwise," that is by grabbing a handle on the right and "swinging" the window open by bringing your hand back to the left. The important point here is that a window that opens inward like that can only reflect the image of people to Choke's right, not his left where The Questioner is standing. The only way a "left hinged" window could reflect the image of a person to Choke's left is if it opened outward, which this window does not appear to do. Further, and possibly more telling, at 4:37 it appears that Choke makes eye contact first with The Questioner and then with The Shuffler and back to the Questioner.
TL;DR--There's three heads in the room other than Choke: one filming, one standing behind the filmer, and one standing to Choke's left. There's totally evidence too, pretty much.
Choke Apologized While On Tour In Europe
This one doesn't take Perry fucking Mason. Video says April 2012 and Slapshot was on tour in Europe for the entirety of April. But what if it wasn't actually filmed in April?
Not likely. The window behind Choke is a "European Style" dual function window. These windows not only open "in" like a conventional window, but also "top down" similar to how a draw bridge is lowered. Take a look at the window. The shadows on the left and right of the frame seem to get wider as you look up, indicating that it likely is at least "cracked" open in this top down fashion. While these windows may be available in the US, I've never seen one here. But they are ubiquitous in Germany and the Low Countries.
Moreover, the metal object with holes visible outside the window is not an awning. "The Party Tape" in-house German Correspondent TIGER noted, "Those are the German style 'outside blinds' that are on most buildings you've ever hid behind to smoke weed with a Faxe Can."
Conclusion
Here's what we know: Choke was touched by the crisp honesty of a Gruner Veltliner or a fucking pretzel or whatever and decided that he immediately needed to apologize to New York as a staff, record label, and motherfucking crew. This could not wait until he left Germany, so he rounded up three people to film him and shuffle around like 5-year-olds with full bladders while he poured his heart out to the camera. Oh, and he couldn't remember exactly what he wanted to immediately apologize for, so he had a freund stand around and remind him precisely what topics to cover.
At 2:23--The number "30" is seen in the window reflection above Choke's head. It would appear that he is seated directly facing a door with a window, which has the number written on it: 30, 30x, 30xx, etc.
At 4:35--The Questioner's voice is barely audible. Though my Apple Ear Buds represent the pinnacle of audio reproduction technology, I still can't hear what the fuck is said. Anyone with some headphones hand crafted by Dre wanna help me out?
So fucking typical. Kram has keenly highlighted something that really plows my chode. Kids these days are just handed everything on a silver platter spit-shined with diamond flakes and courvoisier. Served up Crowbar during after-school tween programming like a goddamn Hotpocket strapped to a 2 Liter of Mountain Dew. You like Lil' Wayne? Well you're gonna love Anti-Cimex. (Link for noted luddite and N64 enthusiast ITSMUHDUH)
Some of us had to get into the real shit the only way we knew how. The real way.
Real talk though, that Love and Rockets song is crackin.
Crowbar have been claiming "None Heavier" for some 21 years now and at age 47 Kirk Windstein still seems pretty fired up about it. Go ahead a skip to the 2:15 mark in the following vid:
In case you didn't catch all that: "BRING IT DOWN. GO FUCK YOURSELF. THE HEAVIEST FUCKIN RIFF IN THE WORLD, BITCH." Imagine if you could have that kind of confidence even immediately after being left hanging on a pound.
I know you all are were teenagers in the 90's like me so you too were probably first exposed to Crowbar by Beavis and Butthead. Those two used to play some seriously heavy shit.
"Duos parietes de eadem fidelia dealbare." Curius' immortal warning to Cicero of Atticus' duplicitous nature has resonated through two thousand years of European culture: he whitewashes two walls with the same bucket. Thomas Hobbes expressed a similar sentiment--rhetorically regarding himself--in The Questions Concerning Liberty, Necessity, and Chance (1656), "[Hobbes] thinks to kill two birds with one stone, and satisfy two arguments with one answer, whereas in truth he satisfieth neither."
Good thing Future ain't like those asswipes Atticus and Hobbes. He goes hard on two things at the same damn time. And I get it. It's pretty fucking tight to get two things done at once. I'm driving home while I'm talking on the phone. I'm taking a shit and I knock out a piss for good measure. It's dope.
Inexplicably, the video is only hooked up with the radio edit. Apologies.
Seems like alot of the horseshit that gets posted around here doesn't have much swingin between its legs. Oasis sounds like the bar out on SR-66 where my buddy got stiffed on some jenk meth, and I think I mighta dropped ludes under the bleachers with Catherine Wheel back in high school. And Ride? I don't see no pictures of horses, harleys, or cowgirls, and that's the only shit you'll see my ass riding.
Good thing I'm here to straighten you boys out proper. Now quit playin grabass, smoke this shit, and lets get to it:
Texas boys got a bone to pick with people who write their own songs. Lick-slinger Snuffy Walden credits himself as penning this jam (as well as supposedly co-authoring ZZ Top's "Chevrolet" with Billy Gibbons--which also appears on the above record), but considering that "Crazy" is credited to a couple other boys on Bloodrock's "Bloodrock USA" record from a few years earlier, I'm none too inclined to believe Snuffy further than I can throw him.
Good thing Snuffy's motto seems to be: "If you can't write it, just say you did and track a smoker that's heavy enough to whip the rattle off a snake." For fans of Hendrix and Deep Purple wrapped in one of the burritos in the gatefold from ZZ Top "Tres Hombres."
You know I ain't about to give too much credit to a buncha limeys with a kraut to boot, but that Schenker boy can stroke a fret. In fact, the verse riff's so good that they didn't hardly bother to add any other part to the damn song. That's some down-home logic if I've ever heard it, keep on keepin on boys.
Not that I have much more love for them west coast types, but since Holden saved Blue Cheer's "New! Improved!" from being a fucking coaster for my cans of Lone Star, I thought I'd give his solo work a fair shake. Good thing I did, as this thing's heavier than a steer carrying twins. Guess that's what playing with 16 Sunn heads sounds like, at least when you ain't gotta worry about a "grimm robe" getting in the way of sitting in the goddamn pocket.
Bonus Sunday Live Head-to-Head:
UFO "Rock Bottom" v. KISS "Rock Bottom"
Hard not to give it to Mogg and the boys, but to be fair Kiss apparently never really played "Rock Bottom" in the 70s--hence the shitty snippet of footage above--so it's hard to accurately judge. The decision is yours.
Not exactly an obscure choice, but I'm going with this as my inaugural Party Tape post because of how incredibly RAW Ghostface gets in the second verse.
Continuing on the Creation tip. I got a copy of Tarantula today. I'm just missing a couple German Sire pressings, boots and some more weird promo shits.
So I just now figured out that a "hen poppa" is referring to popping Hennessy. Still not sure what it means to be "a borderline hen poppa" though. If you find out let me know.
After something like 8 years of holding it down Ace, the last remaining OG dangler head, has moved out. A couple of nights back our boy took up residence in his new spot, which just so happens to be a fucking YACHT. Now that I think about it I wonder how this took so long.
Yo, am I the only one who thinks this dude sounds like TI with a dash of DMX? Look up "winning formula" in the dictionary.
"So what makes Trouble unique and different from the other heavy metal bands?"
"I don't think we're really putting on a show...we play what we feel...and Eric writes lyrics about what he feels...true circumstances..."
In case y'all haven't heard, in the last few months our very own Kram has taken the plunge and started listening to rap records that aren't Illmatic, the Infamous and that one Group Home jam on Goldfish. Not just a couple either, our boy is grindin'. I mean he has recently started convos with me about everything from Andre Nickatina to Smif-n-Wessun. I'm pretty happy about it, as since Rap Kram has enta'd da stage it has led to me receiving emails like this one:
Subject: strongest pimp hand
Body:
I was not aware of this DITC gem. I especially enjoyed that caesarian line and the Big L appearance. Long live Rap Kram.
Do you think that there's a hidden clause (what we call "boiler plate language" in the biz--no biggie) in any contract relating to Vice that says:
1.12(e): ARTIST agrees that videos, album covers, promotional photographs, and any and all other visual media must be comprised of at least ONE-FOURTH occult or occult-related imagery (hereafter referred to as "KVLT").
There must be a similar Brooklyn Municipal Code that requires the same thing from all wardrobes belonging to residents aged 16-30. Peace out, non-corrective eyewear. Solemn greetings, inverted cross necklace.
(In b4 "Funds, I seen you rocking a dangling cross earring standing over a naked chick mounted with a goat skull.")
Oh, and Madonna is apparently biting Kram. No, she isn't reinventing herself as an ill wigger, but she has acquired a new level of confidence and power:
ART THOUGHTZ with Hennesy Youngman aka "the pimp of the one liners"
This might be old news, but it was new to me.
Also: Working in the wee small hours of the morning in da studio I also heard a "rap" song that both sampled and referenced Morrissey in the lyrics. What?
